She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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