Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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