Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
