Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
