today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
