I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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