My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
