I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
