I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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