I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
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he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
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I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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