Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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