Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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