So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
