eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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