I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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