I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
