Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
