I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
