I would go down on you faster than GM stock
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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