I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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