Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
