Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
