I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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