who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
