mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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