So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
