You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
im having a threesome with these popsicles
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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