You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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