this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
