these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
