so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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