Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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