Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
