she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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