So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
