I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
