The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize