$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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