It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
