is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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