dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
