Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize