hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He shit in the fireplace
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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