Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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