don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
