I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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