Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
