Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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