this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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