I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I would ride that face into the sunset
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
