I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize