well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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