I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
