i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Can I color on your dick again?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
