I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
