I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
