apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
