We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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