I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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