felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
