feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
