I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
