I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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