Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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