1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
