This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
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i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
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we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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