I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
