I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
