I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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