yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
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I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
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I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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