Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
