i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
