if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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