Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
