God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
