Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
