I'm eating all of the evidence.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize
