Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
