that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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