Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
