I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
